I have never known guilt like it...

In my first ever post I mentioned that fact that I had verged on Post Natal Depression. That was the first that a lot of my friends and family knew about it, and for that I want to say sorry. I didn't really want to talk about things much (I know, unusual for me)!! I felt that if I admitted it, if i said it out loud then that would be admitting failure. I felt the most immense guilt at the fact that I was struggling, I mean I have desperately wanted children for as long as I can remember, so I was obviously failing at being a good mum because I was struggling, right??

How wrong I was. Looking back now I know that and understand how I came to get so low so here are my tips;

Do Not: Undertake major construction work on your home during pregnancy (particularly in the last trimester)

Do Not: After being admitted to hospital after suffering from a suspected stroke (see previous post), try to continue like nothing has happened. It was obviously a warning that I was running on empty.

Do: Talk, Talk, Talk. Admit how you are feeling, to your Dr, Health visitor, Partner, mum, family, friends: anyone that you feel comfortable talking to. Saying it out loud helps you to realise what is realistic and what isn't.

Do: Trust your instinct. I will go into this more at a later date but Jack was very poorly and I let a Dr's opinion (although I knew it was wrong) affect the way I made decisions and knocked my confidence in my ability to do the best for my children.

And a few, here's to you's..... I want to say thank you to all of the people that kept me from going under, from completely losing the plot and feeling like a complete failure.

To You: The man who stands by my side, for better or worse. You are the best Daddy and Husband that a family could wish for. I know that if you had not been by my side for the last 6 months then I would not be feeling as fantastic as I am today- Thank You

To You- The little boys who have the brightest eyes, the cheekiest smiles and the most beautiful hearts. You make my life everything I've ever dreamed of- Thank You

To You: The person who was at the end of a phone, night and day. Who cooked for us and cleaned for us. Was by my side for most of my lowest moments and has loved me unconditionally for the last 31 years- Thank You

To You- The 3 who looked after the boys in the run up to Christmas so I could catch up with everything needed for the boys to have a fab time, who came with me to the Dr's to fight for help for Jack when I felt I was losing the fight.- Thank You

To You- Who helped ease the financial burden of complications caused by the construction work.- Thank You

To You- Who did all of my Christmas food shopping the week before Xmas when Jack was in hospital and we didn't know if he would be out in time for us to have a christmas. For running here there and everywhere to help look after the other boys- Thank You

To You- my Plymouth friend that sent me the pink card with a poodle on, you literally made so much difference in 2 sentences- Thank You

To all of you: that have helped clean, paint and decorate and get our house straight after all of the work had been done, so that we could have a peaceful family home again, who have looked after the boys or even offered to- Thank You

To You: who picked the boys up from my house and took them to school and the same the other way round at the end of the day. Who was always there at the end of the phone/text/whatsapp/fb/twitter-Thank you

And Lastly: To anyone who said I was doing a good job, who asked how I was, who realised that something wasn't 100% and cared- Thank You

I am truly blessed to have you all in mine and my family's lives. If you feel that I have missed you out in this post then you are wrong, I know what you have all done for me and I will never forget it.

If you see that someone is struggling, are concerned that someone isn't their usual self or think that something may be up Please do not ignore them or judge. offer a helping hand, an ear or even a cake! You will never know how much of a difference you could make!!!

Hello and welcome to my very first blog post. This one is a bit of an introduction and if it bores you to death then this blog probably isnt for you! I am going to give you a quick run over our family history to bring you up to speed and then we will go from there, so here goes;

1999: Joined the Royal Navy
2000: Met Leigh (My fantastic, all enduring husband)
2002: Married Him!
2003: Diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and told probably infertile. (Also left Royal Navy)
2007: Adopted my 1st Son
2008: Gave birth to 2nd Son (and also moved across the country)
2011: Gave Birth to 3rd Son
2012: Gave Birth to 4th Son and verged on the edge of postnatal depression for a bit, not 100% sure that im fully recovered but working on it

2013: Decided to start a blog and here we are.....

Obviously lots of things happened in the months and years between these key dates but these are the things that have shaped my life so thought it only fair that they get their own post for now.

I am a stay at home mum and i love almost every minute of it, some minutes of it seem longer than others but i get through on a wing and a prayer! I have been called many things along the way, mental, crazy and a baby machine (rich really, seeing as i thought my machinery was bust).

Do Not Ask me if we will keep trying for a girl, it makes it sound as if my boys are 2nd prize and they are aything but!!

Going to leave it there for now.

oh, i intended for this blog to be a bit funny so let me tell you what son 2 said to me today. Mum, how come your belly is still fat even though the baby came out ages ago!! heee'bloody'larious